TOP 12 CLUES YOU'VE BEEN SUCKERED INTO AN ALL EXPENSE UNPAID GRAND CANYON ADVENTURE WITH CHEECH, TOM & JOHN:

compliments of Mike Brehm and Cheryl Underwood-Brehm

12. An intermediary calls you in the middle of the night, strongly encouraging you to obtain and read a copy of "Into Thin Air".
11. The identities and personal habits of the trip group are a closely guarded secret until the last door is slammed and locked at the trailhead.
10. You look around and realize the gender ratio is 1:9, presumably so that the trip leaders can feel adequately challenged in the area of charm, chivalry and grace among the opposite sex.
9. Putting on the pack for the first time, and taking it off for the last, must be done to very rich mamba tunes played loud enough to offend the air traffic over the canyon.
8. You have just discovered that "te-na-hah" is Spanish (not Navajo) for "shallow, scummy pool of liquid located on rocky points not visible to the average, beer-gutted archaeologist".
7. Fellow hikers begin throwing themselves off available ledges and exposed trail sections, which are numerous of course.
6. The head chef is named "Thomas", who's flair for inventing exquisite combinations of tortilla shells, pre-packaged salad and cheddar are only exceeded by his taste in scotch. "Sausages? We don't need no more stinking sausages!"
5. Sappy accolades and shallow expressions of awe and interest are routinely thrown in the direction of anyone doing any menial tasks on the behalf of others. E.g., "Hey, that filter you've got is fantastic. You pumped that 30 liters of water for us in no time flat!"
4. After at least 2 days on the trail, a guy dressed in a Yankee's get-up sneaks off to the side of the group and begins a quiet fury of note-taking, apparently aimed in your direction. You're told later not to worry about this harmless exercise, and you don't, until you learn the author has access to a University library full of computer equipment, a homepage, and is internet-literate.
3. The presumed trip "leaders" proceed to demonstrate on the last night of the trip, the time-honored tradition of lightening your load of liquor, in exchange for you consuming their extra food.
2. You've heard so many jokes in 4 days that the only fragment that sticks in your head involves forehead bumping and ear-pulling (and you're actually thinking of trying it out at home).
1. On the last day of the trip, you're out of Advil, your underwear has developed its own "karma", and you're ready to do it all again!